Queer Yenta One: Bubbelehs, Here We Go (with ads!)

Meine kinder,

Queer Yenta is proud to welcome you to the first Queer Yenta newsletter. Full of everything you are hoping might be possible.

This is what is required of you, meine kinder:

1) That you be brave enough to respond if your eye is caught by any of these ads! It takes nerves to place an ad out in the public eye and ask for what you are hoping for. Respond — Yenta will help you! — if you see someone interesting. There is no need to be coy here, bubbelehs; no need to be coy. Anonymity is respected. Comment if you’d like, or email Yenta personally and she will help you out.

2) That you tell your friends! Send them to the ads! Set them up! This is only as good as the people who read it and Queer Yenta is very lucky that the people who are getting this are first rate. All of you first rate people have other first rate people, who have other first rate people, and you see how this goes. Queer Yenta needs you to bring, if you will, all the queers to the yard.

3) Have fun! Be careful! Use latex! Don’t go outside without a coat! Look both ways before you cross the street! Practice emotional honesty! Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want Queer Yenta to know about.4) If there are any errors, Queer Yenta is very sorry.

Ads are below the jump!

Ad #1: SARAH SILVERMAN (with a penis) SEEKS A JEWISH JIMMY KIMMEL
In my 33 years of f’kakte dating experiences, I’ve learned a couple things:
• I need someone funny. Wry, dry, mellow, witty irony addicts. Someone who finds me hilarious, but can also match it. Nothing turns me on more…
• … but I also need sincere. Knowing when to be real and not “on.” A delicate balance…..

Click to find out more!

Ad #2: 28yo queer butchy/faggy type person seeks dates.

Over-educated theory geek, self-taught culinary prodigy, art enthusiast and activist policy wonk. Natural habitat: Brooklyn coffee shops. Can be found engaged in revelatory conversations with baristas, small children and over-caffeinated passers-by. By night, can be observed at Dolly Parton concerts, playing license plate scrabble on the Taconic Parkway, or hosting blowout rooftop dance parties. OK, so enough with the Discovery Channel — I’m better discovered in person anyway.

Nu? Interested? Click here already!

Ad #3:
looking for a smartypants artist or an arty academic who loves women and loves being a woman. i am a city mouse and a country mouse looking for the same. someone who thinks the thought of someday bringing kiddos along to international film festivals & shoots actually sounds fun. fancy parties make me happy and messy gardens do, too. i believe in moderation. in passion. in justice. i like people who manifest their dreams, who see the glass at least half full, who are patient but not passive. i’d like to go to lebanon in poppy season, holland when the tulips are blooming. not a fan of bars unless they are filled with friends. prefer outdoors to in, quiet to loud, homecooked vs. takeout. i love adventures, i love running water, i love animals in nature but unfortunately i just don’t like cats. the getting to know you thing is fun for me, the rushing into things thing isn’t.

picky, yes, but these things are best on the table from the start… i like tall. won’t date a zionist. and you gotta be at least 30, or close, very close.
Interested? I would hope so!

Ad #4: dyke seeks fag for hot queer times – ftwtf4mtwtf
I’m a perverted genderqueer that looks like a dyke, fucks like a fag/dirty old man/occasionally femme porn star, and I’m super hot for flamboyantly queer men. I love camp sensibilities and communication skills between the sheets and in the streets. I’m smart, sassy, a jewish anarchist, and a damn good time. I make crush art. Charm my pants off, boys!
+ if you are obsessed with things, appreciative of chubsters, feminist, a reader, a good story teller, sparkly-eyed, in the struggle, not a major drinker/drugger.
Go here! Go here!

Ad #5:
27yo chubby queer femme seeks makeout partner(s). Prefer faggy style and attitude, queer masculinities, kinky folks and fatties. Hair pulling a plus. Good brain and decent politics preferred–nothing makes for a hotter makeout than some really good conversation first.
Click here!

Ad #6:
29yo crafty femme writer/drummer/aspiring massage therapist seeks smart pretty girls for bike rides, city adventures, kisses and maybe more. I’m colorful and charming and love long conversations, crayons, gin & tonics, brass bands, new discoveries and all things queer. Bonus points for other makers of things (artists, builders, crafters) and/or activist folk. But no poly stuff for me, thanks — I’m a one-woman girl.
Click here, nu?

Ad #7: Bubbe(ish) seeks sometimes Zayde
26 y.o. bubbe seeks sweetheart with some zaydie appeal. homebody looking for someone to get her out of the house more, but not that much more. some things that i especially like include graphic novels, baking, dogs, fermenting things, high thread counts, popcorn.
A link for you!

Ad #8: Fag 4 Fag
Pretty boy seeks fags for spring flings and hot times. You are: forward, switchy-to-toppy, and playful. I am: forward, switchy-to-bottomy, Patsy to your Edina. I’ll make you breakfast if you buy me dinner.
The link, my dears?

Ad #9
26 year-old femme with sparks of dykeyness seeks hotness on the butch side. I like using my hands when I talk, eating good cheese, helping people move, and wearing summer dresses. I’m looking for someone with a big heart (maybe you also like to help people move?) who likes feminism. Brighton Beach lovers get extra points.
Click! Click! Click!

Ad #10: Wanted: Rooster, from Annie.
Wanted: Rooster, from Annie. Assignment: Kidnap Annie and have your way with her. Annie counter-tortures by singing songs from the hit musical the whole time. Must have creepy mustache, smarm, smirk. Research materials: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSkcJCifj2I&feature=related ; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AiOH7ETZwU&feature=related
And click here!

Ad #11: you say make-up shift, i say make-out shift….
late 20’s femme queer with upper body strength will carry your groceries home from the co-op if you invite me up afterwards. you: hot smart queer (any of a range of genders a-ok), responsive to a seemingly anonymous pickup, happy to be pushed against a wall but able to push me back. me: as described, with a penchant for kale, chocolate, and overly expensive beer; happy to suffer the indignities of the mandated orange vest if you take it off me later.
Click for the rest of this decent proposal…

Ad #12: Part-Time Teenage Boy Seeks Hot Girl Next Door//Mean Older Boy
Occasional teenage boy (not actually teenaged) seeks hot older girl or boy, or girl and boy together, to explain what all these new feelings and urges mean.
Nu? Click!